We don’t know about you, but we’re always down to learn about a new mindset hack, especially one that went so viral so quickly. The idea behind the let them theory is simply: let your concerns about how others feel about you go and you’ll experience a new level of control and calm in your life. Sounds easy enough, right? Let’s dive a little deeper.
The Let Them Theory Explained
In its simplest form, the let them theory supports the idea that by worrying or stressing about people and situations, that you ultimately have no control over, you’re causing yourself a ton of totally unnecessary emotional and mental distress. So by allowing people to do whatever they want, which they ultimately do anyway, you can see people for who they truly are and act accordingly. So, if a date ghosted you, let them. Your friends didn’t invite you to brunch? Let them. Someone doesn’t like you for absolutely no reason? Let them. Instead of focusing on the things you can’t control (ie: other people), focus on the things you can control.
Pros and Cons of the Let Them Theory
As with any self-development practice, there are pros and cons and everyone’s experience will look different. Here’s a quick look at the benefits and drawbacks.
Pros:
- Reduces stress
- Reduces frustrations
- You no longer have to worry or even think about being in control
- Promotes healthier, more authentic relationships
- Reduced tension, not just in your mind, but your body as well
Cons:
- No reason to tolerate bad behavior
- Can lead to neglecting your personal boundaries
- Not an excuse for inaction – you are still responsible for standing up for yourself
What Does it Look Like to Let Them?
How you apply this theory depends on what relationship or role you’re looking at.
Romantic
When it comes to romantic partners letting them means loving them just as they are, but context matters. If your significant other is doing or saying something that crosses a boundary for you, it’s equally important to have a conversation with them about how their behavior is affecting you.
Friendships
When it comes to friendships, things are a little more black and white. If you’ve got a friend that always flakes on you, but shows up for others, let them. Then devote your time and energy to friends who do show up and root for you.
Parenting
Lastly, when it comes to parenting, we don’t recommend this mindset. Kids of all ages tend to need more guidance and structure versus simply letting them.