You’ve heard it before: Timing is everything. But telling yourself you want to be in a relationship by a certain date, engaged for a specific number of months before marriage, or single for a set amount of time before jumping into a new relationship will likely lead to disappointment and lower self-esteem. Here’s why you should forget about timing in relationships altogether.
What Works for Someone Else May Not Work for You
You probably have friends who want to be married by a certain age. Or maybe you know someone who believes you need three months to mourn a relationship before starting a new one. While those timelines may work for someone else, they will not work for everyone – and they certainly aren’t requirements for you to abide by. Don’t pressure yourself to follow anyone else’s timeline. Go with whatever feels right for you.
Setting Deadlines on Uncontrollable Instances Is Unrealistic
Goal-setting is a positive thing, and it often involves creating deadlines. But this only works when you’re setting goals about things that are in your control. By nature, relationships involve more than one person, which means you can’t be in total control. Therefore, setting goals and deadlines for your relationships is just not realistic.
It Adds Unnecessary Pressure
Dating is already riddled with pressure and anxiety, so why add to that? If you tell yourself you want to be in a relationship by the end of the year, you will likely become much more fixated on finding a relationship, possibly forcing something to work that isn’t good for you. Wanting something to happen is perfectly normal, but placing pressure on yourself to achieve it will almost certainly leave you feeling defeated.
It Leads to the Feeling of Falling Behind
When you set deadlines for your relationship goals, you can easily begin to feel like you’re falling behind. Rather than harping on the future and the “when,” shift your focus to the present. What’s meant to be will be, and the rest will fall into place accordingly. You are exactly where you need to be.