Not all relationships are healthy and when a relationship turns toxic, it can affect your happiness and overall well-being. It can be difficult to fully understand a toxic relationship, but understanding is the first step when it comes to healing, moving forward, and making healthier connections. Let’s take a look at the characteristics of a toxic relationship and what steps you can take to move forward and away from the toxicity.
Characteristics of a Toxic Relationship
The occasional disagreement or argument in a relationship is a totally normal thing, but a line is crossed with emotional harm and disrespect leading to damaged mental and emotional health.
No Support
Your significant other should be your go-to support system, the person who has your back in every situation. If instead of feeling supported you instead feel inadequate or belittled, this is a major indicator your relationship has turned or is turning toxic and this warning sign should not be ignored.
You’re Mostly Unhappy
Let’s be clear, if you’re not happy in your relationship, this is a red flag warning that something is off somewhere. If you’re experiencing constant tension and lots of arguing, there’s a reason and that reason could be unhappiness from one or both parties.
No Safety Zone
What we mean here is you don’t feel emotionally safe to open up and share the good stuff or the bad stuff with the person you should be able to share everything with. If you don’t feel safe in the sense that you’re afraid things could turn physical, it’s vital you reach out for help as soon as possible.
Walking on Eggshells
This tends to go hand in hand with feeling emotionally unsafe, but if you feel as though you can’t bring up certain issues because you’re afraid you’ll cause tension or conflict and end up keeping any and all concerns to yourself, this is another red flag that your relationship could be toxic.
You’re a Shell of Your Old Self
Toxic people tend to mold others to fit their agenda, so you’ll find yourself doing things just to please them. It’s your job to say no and set healthy boundaries, but when this happens toxic people tend to become angry. Unfortunately, this tends to happen slowly and over time, so often the people around us notice this first.
Self-Care? What Is That?
Another warning that you’re in a toxic relationship is that you may stop your usual self-care habits and withdraw from doing the things you once loved; you may even find that you’re neglecting your health because you don’t have the energy or because your partner doesn’t approve of you doing your own thing.
So Much Jealousy, So Much Control
A little bit of jealousy is a totally normal feeling, but constant suspicion and mistrust are quick ways to destroy a relationship. Jealousy can lead to control which looks like asking where you are all the time, becoming annoyed when you don’t text back, asking who you’re with constantly, etc. In some cases, this can turn abusive.
Isolation From the People You Love
This will start subtly and can, unfortunately, lead to cutting off people entirely. Outsiders may overlook this at first if the relationship is new, but listen when they bring forth their concerns.
How to Leave
If you’ve determined that you’re in a toxic relationship and it’s time to end things and move on, here are a few tips that will make the process smoother and safer.
Get Support From a Therapist
Leaving a toxic relationship is a big deal and there is no such thing as too much support. Not only will a therapist help you through this tough time, but they will help you through every stage, not just the breakup.
Open Up to Close Friends and Family
The people who love you only want to help you, and again, you can never have too much support. Close friends and family are the ones who will check in regularly, make sure you have a safe space to live, and make sure you’re eating, showering, taking care of yourself, and sometimes most importantly, they will be there for you on your roughest days.
Bring a Friend to the Breakup
If you even think the break-up could turn ugly, take a friend with you. This way you have somewhere there to confirm the details of what was said and how things were handled and you have a safe escape route.
Change Your Number
This is a huge one. Odds are, after you break things off, your phone will blow up. The best thing you can do at this time is block the person on all social media, block them from contacting you, and go change your phone number the moment you can. Cutting off communication with this person is one of the best things you can do and one of the biggest steps you can take in moving forward.
Create a Safety Plan
This should be done as soon as you know it’s time for things to end. Figure out where you’ll stay, have some money saved back, and keep a list of emergency contacts with you. If you’ve not been living together but this person has a key to your place, change the locks and consider some sort of security measures such as Ring doorbell or security cameras. If you live somewhere with any type of front desk or doorman situation, make sure security is well aware that this person is not welcome in your space under any circumstances.