Motherhood comes with a slew of new experiences, joy, anxiety, and changes in your relationships with others. Sometimes, early motherhood can be isolating and be affected by postpartum depression, making it harder to keep up with friends and nurture relationships. These are the moments you need your child-free and mom friends around. Friendships don’t have to end simply because you have kids now. It’s important to remember that even though life has changed, it doesn’t mean they no longer care about you or want you around.
Nurture Friendships
When a mom is in the midst of bonding with their newborn, both she and the child-free friend can continue to communicate using technology by sending messages, planned visits, and phone calls. Using technology allows the line of communication to stay open regardless of how often you see each other. Friends and new moms can still check in with each other to see how each is doing and show that they still care.
For moms past the newborn stage with kids who vary in independence, a great way to nurture friendship is to set up friend dates. It is less spontaneous than it used to be, and it is harder to drop everything to see a friend, but you can still coordinate schedules and make quality time happen. Quality is better than quantity when it comes to friend time. There will be occasions when kids will tag along on these outings, but it is essential to have one-on-one time too.
Don’t Make Assumptions
It’s easy to assume your friends won’t understand your new perspective, and instead of communicating with each other, you may isolate and drive a wedge in the friendship. Sharing the challenges of being a mom with your child-free friends can help them understand what you’re going through and empathize, leading them to offer emotional and physical support. Let your child-free friends know to continue to include you by keeping you in the loop, sharing what’s going on in their lives, and inviting you to hang out. Tell them that it’s the thought that counts, even if you can’t always say yes to meeting up. Have an honest conversation about what you need from each other and what is realistic in this new stage of your friendship.
Have Grace for Child-Free Friends
It is essential to remember that your child-free friends won’t completely understand parent life. You didn’t either until you became a mom, and it’s ok that they won’t fully get it. Give your friends grace, as they are not in your shoes and have never had the experiences you are having. You can share what you’re going through with them and tell them about the ups and downs, and they can offer support, but they will not 100% know because they aren’t living it. That doesn’t make them a bad friend nor does it mean they don’t care. They are doing their best with what they know.